So many of you may know that recently I have gotten a pretty large fox and mountain tattoo on my arm. Even though it’s not fully finished I am so happy with the work that Rob from New Addiction Tattoo did. It’s exactly what I wanted and it is becoming a beautiful and meaningful piece. Now many of you may be asking, why a fox? Well I have a lot of reasons why I wanted a fox besides the fact that it’s my favorite animal.
It all started about this time last year. I had just gone through a rough patch in my life and was looking for guidance. Every morning I would wake up to the same routine, wake up, eat lunch, work out, bartend or go climbing (if I wasn’t working). I have to admit that I was getting bored with my routine. One morning I woke up and as I was making my protein shake for breakfast. That’s when I noticed a curious red fox running laps around my backyard. I took some photos thinking that I would never see this beautiful animal again. Little did I know that seeing this young female fox was going to be a regular occurrence. I started to see her almost every day and I would watch her for as long as I could. The thing that really drew me to the fox was the click I got when looking at her. For some reason it was like we connected. It’s a feeling I can’t really explain because it’s more of a spiritual thing but it was the greatest feeling ever. The feeling that there was more to me than just this and that life was meant to be lived happy. The feeling that everything was going to be ok. Was this my spirt animal? I mean probably if they do exist. I read an article that Native Americans believed that your spirt animal will come to you when you are in a time of need and when you need it the most. Which I guess is how I would explain the time I was in.
There’s also a more deeper connection I have with the red fox. At the end of March my aunt (who my siblings and I nicknamed Arby when we were kids) suddenly passed away. It was a disturbance to us all and I was grieving. I also hadn’t scene the fox in weeks and I was beginning to worry that something might had happened. Not only was I hurting but I was doubting. Doubting that there is anything after this life but emptiness and darkness. One morning I had gotten up and was in the bathroom brushing my hair while Pandora was playing in the background. This song came on that grabbed my attention and made me cry. The song is called In Your Arms by Chef Special (I’ll post the music video below). The songs lyrics connected with me almost as if my Aunt would have wanted me to hear it. The lyrics are:
“Miss you so, I miss you so, and I’ll miss you til I’m old
I miss you so, I miss you so, but my fears will fade, I know
Cuz it’s my heart that you helped to build
And Love is my compass still yeah
Love will fill the holes I got
Cuz you will never hold me,
But I know that you are with me here
I know that you’re at peace
Cuz you let us sing to sleep
You let us sing, your heart to sleep”
One of the reasons why this song really hit a nerve was because my family basically did sing her to sleep. My family had to make a painful decision and her plug had to be pulled. It was then that I said the following (with the same song still playing in the back)…
“Arby if you are there, if you are anywhere listening, please give me a sign. Let me know that you are with me. There has been this fox that has been showing up daily for the past few months that I have connected with. I haven’t scene her in a while and I’m worried something happened to her. Arby if you are here give me a sign, let me know this fox is okay, let me see her”
I sat by the window for about 30 seconds and nothing happened. I went over to the mirror and grabbed the brush. I walked back to the window while brushing my hair with the same song still going in the back bringing me almost to tears. As I looked back out the window could you guess what I saw? The fox. She came running out of the woods, stopped at the edge of my yard and just looked at my through the window. Almost as if she was telling me she was fine. Then she turned back into the woods and disappeared. I couldn’t have been more touched than that moment. After doing some research I found out that both Native American and Chinese cultures, two cultures on opposite sides of the world, believed that the fox is used as a messenger between the spirt world and the living. Also, if you saw a fox it was sent by someone in the after life to send you a message. Why the after life uses a fox is beyond me. Maybe it’s because of their curiosity and fearlessness of humans. Or maybe there is more to it than that. Whether this all happens to be a coincidence or not is beyond me but I took it as a sign.
A few months went by and it was now early June. It was sitting out by my car when I saw the fox come from the woods and into my yard with six babies behind her. That’s the reason I went weeks without seeing her, because she was nursing. I connected with those babies as well since I saw them almost every day. There was one in particular I named Tod. He had no fear of humans and I grew quite fond of him. He would let us come close to him and hand feed him. He would chase after balls that were thrown to him and carry the ball in his mouth around the yard. He would come close and sit by my friends and I during camp fires and the young mother would just stand in the distance and watch almost as if she trusted us. He even got as trustworthy as to follow us into the woods on walks. One day I realized that I needed to cut him off. It was ok for him to act like this at my house because we all knew him. If he ever did this in someone else’s yard someone would ignorantly mistake this behavior for rabies and have him put down. People don’t realize that some animals carry a gene for tameness and aren’t all vicious creatures. I stopped going out side to see him and ignored him when he came to me. It was sad and I would tear up but I knew it was for his own good.
It’s been a few months since I saw Tod and the others. They all grew up and moved on to find territories of their own. One went rabid and DEM had to take it away. It was running circles in the street all day. It was painful to watch but sadly this is common in foxes. I hope Tod and the rest are still doing fine. Seeing a fox make a home in my back yard, live there for a few moths, find a mate then have and raise her own pups has been a blessing. I got to witness something most people don’t get to see and make a spiritual connection at the same time. I’m not sure why these creatures were so accepting of me being so close to them. Maybe it’s because the color of my hair matches their fur and they thought I was one of them. Maybe it’s because they know they’re my spirit animal and they also share the connection with me. Or maybe it’s because these creatures have the capability to be trustworthy of humans. I may never know what the answer is but I’m happy I had the opportunity and glad for the spiritual guidance these animals have showed me. The tattoo is a representation that there is more to this life than we know and is a spiritual reminder of the beauty in life. It’s also there to make sure that I stay true to who I am and that I keep believing.