Tag Archives: healthyeating

The Reason I Climb


All through out my climbing career people have asked me what made me start climbing and why do I do it. I’m sure you’re reading this now thinking the same thing. The half assed answer I normally give people is “well I came to the gym once and really feel in love with the sport”. Well that answer isn’t wrong but it’s also not true. The real reason is a bit longer of a story that I haven’t really told until now. The reason I never shared with people was so dark and I didn’t want to re-live the past. I wasn’t okay with the past because of how harsh it was. I was scared by it. It wasn’t until recently that I have come to terms with the past and am somewhat okay with sharing it with others. Maybe some people will learn from my story.

It all started about three years ago. I was dating a guy named Jeff and we had nothing to do on a Friday night. A friend of mine invited us to go to the local rock gym with her and her boyfriend and we agreed to go. It was our first time being there and we had a blast. Since that day I continued to go either with friends or alone. One night I was there with a friend and I had just came off a wall. Tired, I threw myself on the ground and I thought to myself “wow, I really love this place and everything about climbing”. That’s when it became more than a hobby to me, it became a passion.

About a year later Jeff had bought a house for us and I moved in. I continued to climb at the gym and he even came with me every now and again. We even got belay certified. However, there was a slight problem, climbing with him wasn’t a lot of fun. Since I moved in with him he became a completely different person. He became controlling, possessive, emotionally and physically abusive. He picked and chose when I could go to bed, come home and even eat (which only made me binge eat when I wasn’t with him). He was insecure and in the gym he was a sore loser. If he or I wasn’t climbing harder than the person next to us he would throw a hissy fit and drag me out of the gym with him. I would then get screamed at because I wasn’t climbing like them and I was weak. I’m a very laid back, down to earth person and to me that wasn’t cool. You don’t do that in the gym, it’s not a competition with other people, it’s all about conquering yourself, not others and people took notice of his poor behavior. He was 29 years old and the time but acted like he was 12.

I told Jeff that if he was going to continue to act like that than I didn’t want him to climb with me anymore. He had a chance to fix his attitude and he chose not to. The emotional and physical abuse didn’t end and I still don’t want to go too much into detail with it. I was a vegetarian for 12 years at the time and he had gone as far as telling me that if I didn’t start eating meat he would leave me. So like an idiot I started eating meat even though I didn’t want to. At first eating meat made me sick but I had to deal with it. I guess that shows how dedicated I could be. It was only a matter of time until I feel into a deep depression and started to lose myself and every thing that I was. I was in a dark place I didn’t think I could ever get out of. I wasn’t aloud to hang out with other people and have fun. There were a few friends I could see but not too many. The only place I could go without being accused of cheating was the rock gym because he somewhat understood my passion.

Going to the rock gym was the only place I could go that he was okay with. Climbing at the gym pulled me from the dark place and made me happy. It was the happiest I had been in a while when I was there. I would forget all about the negativity in my life and it was just me, the wall and some of the great people who were there. I was accused of cheating a few times but I just ignored it. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not a cheater. I would never hurt someone the way I was hurt in the past and I wouldn’t wish that emotional torture on anyone. Apparently he was too insecure to get that. I lived with Jeff for about 7 months until July of 2015. We had got into a heated argument because he wouldn’t come out to dinner with some of our friends (he was invited and said he would go a week before). He told me he didn’t want me to go either and his reason was that he wanted to stay in and play video games. I told him I was going regardless. As I was walking out the door he called me a “fat fucking bitch”. I will never forget that. Never in my life has anyone said anything so rude to me and it was coming from the person I “loved”.  I cried all that night when I was out because I just couldn’t believe it. If you care about someone you don’t say that. He obviously didn’t care he was just obsessive and that’s when I knew I had to leave. My mother and I had talked about it for months before but that was the last straw.

I moved back home but when I moved back home I realized that I was broken. I had been abused, belittled and made to feel as if I didn’t matter for over a year and it took it’s toll on me. I wasn’t me anymore, I was an empty shell of myself with low self esteem. I weighed around 120 pounds before I moved in with Jeff and I had weighed close to 140 when I left him. That wasn’t okay.  Climbing was all I had left and I knew it was going to take time and a lot of work to feel like myself again. That summer after we broke up was when I started taking climbing seriously and getting into a lot of outdoor climbing and bouldering. I started eating healthy again and realized how depression made me binge eat when Jeff wasn’t around to tell me not too. It was a abad idea but depression makes you do crazy things. I lost the 20 pounds that I gained ( I have to thank Herablife for that one) and spent more time in the gym. Even with a broken thumb I watched my climbing grades grow. Climbing helped me find myself when I didn’t think I ever would and made me happy again. I regained my self esteem and am finally very happy with myself. I even recently earned a sponsorship with Onsight Gear which made me ecstatic. Climbing was there for me when no one else and saved me from the darkest place. I have grown extremely fond of the sport and what it has done for me and that is why I climb and will continue to climb. A year ago I would never have thought that I would accomplish what I have. I climb because I want to show people that anything is possible as long as you are happy and will powered. I have had zero training from anybody and am completely self dependent.  You just need to trust in yourself.

Since last July I haven’t dated anyone since. I really wanted to focus on bettering myself and making myself happy again. I literally took me almost a year but I think I have succeeded. You can’t make someone happy unless you are totally happy with yourself first. I would say I’m ready to date again but it’s tough finding someone I click with. Since everything I have been through I also want to take things slow and keep my guard up but I am willing to take it down. I’m really shy and usually don’t approach guys, I wait for them to approach me so it may be while but I’m also not going to search. When the time is ready then I guess I’ll know but in the mean time, climb on!


Healthy Eating 

Healthy Eating 

I’m always getting complimented on my healthy eating habits lately. Well I would like to share some of those habits with my readers. Being an athlete, it is important to get a lot of protein. Since this past summer I have been strictly on an Herbalife diet. That consists of 2 shakes a day, a healthy meal, and a healthy snack or two.
For breakfast I will usually have a protein shake, protein Herbalife pancakes (recipe is in a previous post) or a Herbalife Greek yogurt. For a drink I will either have a Herbalife tea or water (that’s all I drink besides a coffee once in a while).


Here is the herbalife yogurt. It is 2 scoops of herbalife formula one (cookies and cream flavored) mixed with a lowfat greek yogurt. It makes for a healthy breakast. Another name for it is cookie dough.

For lunch I always have a Herbalife protein shake. My favorite lately has been what I call birthday cake. It is 2scoops of formula one cookies and cream, 2 scoops of vanilla protein powder, a teaspoon of instant vanilla pudding mix. After you blend it top it off with some sprinkles!

For dinner I make a healthy meal filled with greens and protein. Usually I’ll have grilled chicken with grilled veggies. Sometimes if I’m feeling lazy I’ll just have 3 scrambled eggs. And for a few snacks in between I will have either a protein bar or some sort of jerky. You just have to be cautious with jerky.

Weekend Full Of Snow

Weekend Full Of Snow

So this weekend didn’t start off good at all.  A few of my friends met at my house to go to the rock gym on Friday like was always do. However, my car wasn’t working so I had to have I towed to my mechanic. My friends (Chris & Kyle) and I impatiently waited for the AAA driver to come because all we wanted to do was climb.  When the driver came to tow my car he thought it was my fuel pump. When he said that my heart sank because I knew how expensive that is and I wasn’t sure it was worth if for a 2004 VW Jetta. I love my Jetta so much.  For a 12 year old car its so reliable and will take care of you as long as you take care of it.  It an anomaly that my check engine light is off. Almost every VW I have been in has a check engine light on.  Anyways, the AAA driver tried to jump my car and it started up but he wasn’t sure it that was the only problem so he insisted that I drive it to my mechanic right away. My friends followed my up to the mechanic incase I had to leave it there. My mechanic, Ron, insisted that I drive it around for 2o minuted then come back, that way I can charge up my battery.  Chris and Kyle both gathered in my car and we drove around and even picked up some protein shakes along the way.

When we returned to the mechanic Ron tested my battery and looked at me and said “There is no life in the battery. It’s junk”. I became relieved when he said.  He told me I could leave it with him and he would change it and check to see if there is anything else that could be wrong or I could take it and change the battery myself.  I ended up leaving it with him to be one the safe side. While my car was being worked on we finally were able to go to the rock gym. I climbed well but I was a little distracted by my car situation.  I kept checking my phone to see if my mechanic had called me with any other news about my car.  I was excited that it could only be the battery but worried that he may find something else wrong with it.  Not to mention a huge snow storm was about to roll in and I didn’t want to be carless in it.  Long story short, after almost two hours of climbing and trying to enjoy myself Ron called me up saying that it was just the battery.  I became ecstatic knowing that my car was going to be able to run again. It ended up costing me $150 compared to the $700 I thought I was going to have to spend. That wasn’t bad considering that a battery for my car anywhere is about $100, plus he installed it and checked my car for other issues.


Look! I finally made it!

The next morning the snow rolled in and went on all day. I became trapped in the house because the plows didn’t come until later that night.  I spent most of the day relaxing and some of the day working out. I did some at home leg exercises and ab work outs. I even got some cardio in by running up and down my stairs for 20 minutes. Everyone in my house thought I was insane. This morning I woke up and made these bomb Herbalife protein pancakes! They’re probably the best tasting healthy “pancakes” I have ever  tried. Here is my recipe:

  • 2 eggs
  • 2 scoops of vanilla Herbalife protein powder
  • 2 scoops of Herbalife Cookies & Cream meal powder
  • 1 teaspoon of vanilla
  • then add a dash of cinnamon and water until it becomes a batter consistency


After breakfast today I spent the noon time playing outside with my 5 year old niece.  She loves sledding and running around. It’s good to spend time with your family. Especially when it’s the first snow of the season.  I even brought my cat, Marley, out in the snow…but that didn’t go as planned.  Cats really don’t like snow, or at least, min doesn’t. Now I think its time for another protein shake for lunch and maybe a trip to the rock gym later today!