Tag Archives: rock spot

The Reason I Climb


All through out my climbing career people have asked me what made me start climbing and why do I do it. I’m sure you’re reading this now thinking the same thing. The half assed answer I normally give people is “well I came to the gym once and really feel in love with the sport”. Well that answer isn’t wrong but it’s also not true. The real reason is a bit longer of a story that I haven’t really told until now. The reason I never shared with people was so dark and I didn’t want to re-live the past. I wasn’t okay with the past because of how harsh it was. I was scared by it. It wasn’t until recently that I have come to terms with the past and am somewhat okay with sharing it with others. Maybe some people will learn from my story.

It all started about three years ago. I was dating a guy named Jeff and we had nothing to do on a Friday night. A friend of mine invited us to go to the local rock gym with her and her boyfriend and we agreed to go. It was our first time being there and we had a blast. Since that day I continued to go either with friends or alone. One night I was there with a friend and I had just came off a wall. Tired, I threw myself on the ground and I thought to myself “wow, I really love this place and everything about climbing”. That’s when it became more than a hobby to me, it became a passion.

About a year later Jeff had bought a house for us and I moved in. I continued to climb at the gym and he even came with me every now and again. We even got belay certified. However, there was a slight problem, climbing with him wasn’t a lot of fun. Since I moved in with him he became a completely different person. He became controlling, possessive, emotionally and physically abusive. He picked and chose when I could go to bed, come home and even eat (which only made me binge eat when I wasn’t with him). He was insecure and in the gym he was a sore loser. If he or I wasn’t climbing harder than the person next to us he would throw a hissy fit and drag me out of the gym with him. I would then get screamed at because I wasn’t climbing like them and I was weak. I’m a very laid back, down to earth person and to me that wasn’t cool. You don’t do that in the gym, it’s not a competition with other people, it’s all about conquering yourself, not others and people took notice of his poor behavior. He was 29 years old and the time but acted like he was 12.

I told Jeff that if he was going to continue to act like that than I didn’t want him to climb with me anymore. He had a chance to fix his attitude and he chose not to. The emotional and physical abuse didn’t end and I still don’t want to go too much into detail with it. I was a vegetarian for 12 years at the time and he had gone as far as telling me that if I didn’t start eating meat he would leave me. So like an idiot I started eating meat even though I didn’t want to. At first eating meat made me sick but I had to deal with it. I guess that shows how dedicated I could be. It was only a matter of time until I feel into a deep depression and started to lose myself and every thing that I was. I was in a dark place I didn’t think I could ever get out of. I wasn’t aloud to hang out with other people and have fun. There were a few friends I could see but not too many. The only place I could go without being accused of cheating was the rock gym because he somewhat understood my passion.

Going to the rock gym was the only place I could go that he was okay with. Climbing at the gym pulled me from the dark place and made me happy. It was the happiest I had been in a while when I was there. I would forget all about the negativity in my life and it was just me, the wall and some of the great people who were there. I was accused of cheating a few times but I just ignored it. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not a cheater. I would never hurt someone the way I was hurt in the past and I wouldn’t wish that emotional torture on anyone. Apparently he was too insecure to get that. I lived with Jeff for about 7 months until July of 2015. We had got into a heated argument because he wouldn’t come out to dinner with some of our friends (he was invited and said he would go a week before). He told me he didn’t want me to go either and his reason was that he wanted to stay in and play video games. I told him I was going regardless. As I was walking out the door he called me a “fat fucking bitch”. I will never forget that. Never in my life has anyone said anything so rude to me and it was coming from the person I “loved”.  I cried all that night when I was out because I just couldn’t believe it. If you care about someone you don’t say that. He obviously didn’t care he was just obsessive and that’s when I knew I had to leave. My mother and I had talked about it for months before but that was the last straw.

I moved back home but when I moved back home I realized that I was broken. I had been abused, belittled and made to feel as if I didn’t matter for over a year and it took it’s toll on me. I wasn’t me anymore, I was an empty shell of myself with low self esteem. I weighed around 120 pounds before I moved in with Jeff and I had weighed close to 140 when I left him. That wasn’t okay.  Climbing was all I had left and I knew it was going to take time and a lot of work to feel like myself again. That summer after we broke up was when I started taking climbing seriously and getting into a lot of outdoor climbing and bouldering. I started eating healthy again and realized how depression made me binge eat when Jeff wasn’t around to tell me not too. It was a abad idea but depression makes you do crazy things. I lost the 20 pounds that I gained ( I have to thank Herablife for that one) and spent more time in the gym. Even with a broken thumb I watched my climbing grades grow. Climbing helped me find myself when I didn’t think I ever would and made me happy again. I regained my self esteem and am finally very happy with myself. I even recently earned a sponsorship with Onsight Gear which made me ecstatic. Climbing was there for me when no one else and saved me from the darkest place. I have grown extremely fond of the sport and what it has done for me and that is why I climb and will continue to climb. A year ago I would never have thought that I would accomplish what I have. I climb because I want to show people that anything is possible as long as you are happy and will powered. I have had zero training from anybody and am completely self dependent.  You just need to trust in yourself.

Since last July I haven’t dated anyone since. I really wanted to focus on bettering myself and making myself happy again. I literally took me almost a year but I think I have succeeded. You can’t make someone happy unless you are totally happy with yourself first. I would say I’m ready to date again but it’s tough finding someone I click with. Since everything I have been through I also want to take things slow and keep my guard up but I am willing to take it down. I’m really shy and usually don’t approach guys, I wait for them to approach me so it may be while but I’m also not going to search. When the time is ready then I guess I’ll know but in the mean time, climb on!




I’m so sorry that I haven’t been on recently! I Friday was my birthday and I had a lot of celebrating to do over the week. I started out the week by treating myself to a new pair of climbing shoes. I got the Anasazi by Five Ten and I absolutely love them. I do want to explain why I love them and what I look for in climbing shoes but I’m going to save that for my next post so make sure to stay tuned! Anyways the following day my parents surprised me with an early birthday gift. My very first GoPro Session. I love it! Wednesday I went out and shot and the over the past few days I have spent editing the clip (that was in between celebrating on the weekend lol). So here it is! I decided to post it to my Youtube account  for sharing reasons butI will also add it to my Vimeo later on. Let me know what you guys think! This is my first time making a climbing video so feedback would be amazing!



Confusion In The Gym


So last night I was climbing in the gym with my friend Mike when I decided to onsight a 5.11 on an auto belay. I asked Mike if he could film it on my phone so that I could see what mistakes I made and try and learn from them. While watching the video I did a pretty decent job but I noticed one small mistake at the top of the wall which makes me feel uncomfortable. If you look closely you can see at the top that I accidentally put my foot on the wrong foot chip, then fixed it by smearing it on the wall. This is something that I will have to go back and fix correctly or it will bother me. While climbing the route no one corrected me like they usually do because of the same reason I didn’t notice it at first. The foot chip (or hold)  is that same color as the rest of the holds that were in my route (yellow). I was following the 5.11 route which consisted of yellow holds with white tape underneath. However, on that route there is also a 5.9 which consists of all different color holds with red tape underneath them. The footchip that I used accidentally was yellow with red tape underneath which is why I didn’t notice at first. I saw that the hold itself was yellow and I assumed it was in my route since all my holds were yellow. It wasn’t until after I grabbed the last hold that I realized it wasn’t in my route because it had red tape under it. I fixed it by smearing my foot on the wall. However, I still feel like I have to go back and finish it. The fact that this happened makes me feel so unaccomplished. I hate how gyms do things that lead to confusion like this. I feel that all the holds should be the same color and that there shouldn’t be multi colored routes and same colored routes on the same wall because that is what happened in my case. Other then that one mistake I feel like I did pretty well.

I also wanted to share a little something personal with all my followers. So the last two weeks have probably been one of the hardest weeks in my entire life. My aunt who I was very close with suddenly fell ill and my mom I tried to stand by her and the rest of my family as much as possible the entire week she fought for her life. I don’t want to get too much into detail for the respect of my family but sadly she passed away this past Monday. I tried to be there for my family as much as I could, especially my mother. She never thought that she would lose her sister so early in life and she has been taking it pretty bad. I stayed away from social media as much as possible over the last two weeks to be with my family. I was kindly asked by my mother and grandmother to write a poem for my aunt so I wanted to share it here with you guys. Let me know what you all think.


Major Break Through


I had a major break through this week! I climbed a 5.11 for the first time since I broke my thumb! A few months ago I broke my thumb and I suffered a set back that I have been pushing to work through since I healed. Before I broke my thumb I was climbing a max of 5.11 on the 30ft walls in the Lincoln location and 5.12 on the 45ft walls at the Peacedale location. When I broke my thumb a few months ago I was still climbing but in a brace. The brace restricted movement in half of my left hand. I was still able to climb but the harder walls became almost impossible while using only one hand. Breaking my thumb set me back to a 5.8 (on the 30ft walls). Once my thumb completely healed I shot up to a 5.9 then a few weeks later a 5.10 on the 30 ft walls. The 30ft wall are in Lincoln where I mostly go. Peacedale has the 45ft walls, which I can always climb a grade or two higher on, but the drive is long so I rarely ever go there.

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Climbing my first 5.11 on the 30ft wall for the first time since I broke my hand.

I began climbing 5.10 comfortably a little over a moth ago and I have been pushing myself to climb 5.11 for the past few weeks. Breaking the barrier requires a bit more technique and a bit more skill. I have been suffering a lot with pinches on my left hand and any move that requires me to squeeze with my left thumb. Even though it is healed it is still weaker than before and I am now suffering with something called “triggers thumb“. I have been trying to work through it a lot by climbing walls that require a lot of pinching and doing a lot of at home exercises. I am hoping to gain the muscle back in my thumb. I feel that I may have been able to climb 5.11 a few weeks ago but because I never tried there’s no way to tell. Once I started climbing 5.10’s again I immediately jumped over to a 5.11 but failed. Yesterday when I was at the gym I was breezing through every 5.10 I did. People couldn’t believe how fast I was on-sighting 5.10’s. Once I realized that the 5.10’s were not a challenge I knew it was time. Once I climbed my first 5.11 successfully I knew I had to keep climbing and hopefully I will only continue to progress. Now that I can climb 5.11’s on the 30ft walls I know that I can probably do the 5.12’s on the 45ft walls in Peacedale. I will have to head there soon. I have REALLY good endurance so I plan on doing even bigger walls this summer. I also plan to keep progressing with my climbing. I know that as long as I keep pushing myself anything is possible.